Vents
by bandgrad2008
Summary: If you give up what matters the most, you're either the fool for believing you had to, or the fool for not hanging on.


**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly.**

**A/N: It's been a while since I wrote Cam, I know. And it's not the happiest, but it's not suicide-inducing, so...you know...I guess that's an accomplishment. Anyway...There's 2 quotes in here that I stole from BrutalicTragedy and my bro, so (I had to give them credit...) xD**

**Enjoy...I hope.**

"Tell me about your week so far."

I stare at my lap, refusing to gaze across the room at the man with the clipboard. Why should I be sitting here, being questioned by someone who doesn't even know me? These stupid people, who think they can judge someone based on what they've been told. They stick their noses where they don't belong. When I don't respond, he adds, "You need to open up. You've been here three times and you never say anything."

Oh well, I suppose I can humor the man. "On Sunday, I kicked a kid in the face for absolutely no reason because I felt like it. On Monday, I broke my best guy friend's arm because he was annoying the hell out of me with his whining about Galaxy Wars. Tuesday was a great day. I snapped a guy's wrist because he decided to get frisky and then I broke his brother's nose for sticking it where it doesn't belong. Oh, and I told my best friend how I felt."

My heart froze in my chest, ceasing its necessary beating as I said that. I still remember the look on her face, the fear in her eyes as I told her that I loved her as more than a friend.

"_Sam, I can't." She pushes me away, her hands on my shoulders, her face flushed, her breathing abnormal. She's on the verge of one of her panic attacks, and I feel so guilty for kissing her, but I was lost in the moment. The last thing I see is the sadness in her eyes before she slams the door in my face._

I realize the psychologist is staring at me, false concern on his face. "How do you feel about your best friend?" he asked, and I didn't want to talk about this.

But it didn't stop the words from leaving my mouth. "I love her. I love everything about her. She makes my heart do weird things, whether it stops, or skips a beat, or beats faster. All she has to do is smile, and it feels like I'm on fire, like I'm going to melt from the inside out. And her voice…" I sigh. "Her voice is constantly stuck in my head." I shake my head. "I'm not trying to be all cheesy or anything, but you asked."

He nods. "Mhm…And why do you love her?"

I lean forward, elbows on my thighs and look him straight in the eye. "They say there's one single person for someone, that no matter how many people you like or love…there's only one perfect person for you. You can go your entire life not knowing of their existence, or ever meeting them but knowing who they are. And when you know who they are…sometimes you wonder why you even know them when you can't be with them. But you can't help but love them anyway because that's how you feel. And it feels like every day you talk to them, every day you look at them, every day you _think _of them…your heart is going to explode and it _hurts._ Every second of your life…you suffer.

"But you can't stop. You can't stop putting yourself through the pain because they're completely worth it. They're worth every ounce of your life that you would do anything for them and never regret one second of it." I sit back. "But then you wonder why. You wonder _why_ they're worth the trouble, why you bother with them, why you don't just say fuck it and eat cupcakes and sit on balloons."

"Miss Puckett, please don't use…"

"Chill, Doc, I'm telling a story." I smile for a second before I frown. "She loves someone else. He isn't right for her, but she wants to believe he is. And damn it if she isn't miserable with him. But she refuses to tell the truth." The psychologist opens his mouth, but I roll my eyes. "I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to interrupt. Didn't you want me to open up or something?" He nods. "Anyway…I know I could make her happy. I know that, if she gave me a chance, she could be really happy."

"But what if you can't make her happy?"

I sigh. "If I can't make her happy…If I try my absolute hardest to make her happy and I can't…then I'll have to accept that. But at least I tried." I look at the clock. "I think we're out of time for today…" I pointed out.

"Well, I think we finally got somewhere, Miss Puckett."

I nod. "Yep, I'll be back next week." I grab my jacket from the chair by the door and slip my arms through the sleeves. Smiling in his direction, I turn away and leave the room, shoving my hands in my pockets as I step out of the building into the cold. Thoughts of Carly fill my mind as I walk, and her voice echoes in my mind, saying that she can't do this.

A voice pulls me out of my thoughts, a voice I recognize but really don't want to hear right now. Looking up, I see Spencer coming out of Bushwell Plaza and then I wonder how the hell I even got here; my psychologist is on the other side of Seattle. I check my watch and realize I've been walking for three hours. "Hey, Sam…it's kind of late for you to be walking around, isn't…never mind. Carly's up in the apartment if you want to go ahead up. I'm just going out for an hour or so."

I shake my head. "I really don't think that's a good idea, Spence."

He sighs. "Look, I don't know what happened between you two the other day, but she just broke up with what's-his-face, and I'd really appreciate it if you could go up there and comfort her or something? I just…I tried to make her smile, but I couldn't. So you're her only hope." I open my mouth to speak, but he shakes his head and smiles. "If you give up what matters most to you, you're either the fool for believing you had to, or the fool for not hanging on."

I watch as he walks away and stare up at the tall building in front of me. Lewbert isn't in the lobby when I walk in, which I'm thankful for. Maybe he got shot in the wart or something. I take the main elevator to the eighth floor and hesitate when it stops, the doors opening. I haven't seen Carly in three days, and I'm worried that she won't want me here. It feels weird to knock on the door, but as soon as it opens, Carly's in my arms, her lips on mine.

Carly Shay has lost her mind.

I rest my hands on her waist, gently pushing her away, sure that confusion is written all over my face. "Carls…not that I didn't love that…Why?" She's quiet, moving away from me, and I glance behind me at Benson's door. Knowing him, the nub is watching through the peephole. I hope he is…he had been bugging me to tell her how I felt. I enter the Shay apartment and closed the door behind me, leaning against it.

Carly looks at me expectantly from where she sits on the couch, as though she wants me to sit next to her. I need to talk about this, and if I go to her now, I'll never get my answer. I stuff my hands in my pockets, hiding the fact that they're shaking. I don't need her to know how nervous I am. "I've been thinking, Sam."

"I thought I smelled something burning…"

She glares at me and I grin, raising my hands in surrender. "Anyway, smartass…I've been thinking ever since I made you leave. I knew when you left that I made a mistake, that I could possibly lose you, and I didn't…I couldn't let you disappear. I broke up with whatever-his-name-is because he wasn't…" She takes a deep breath. "He wasn't you."

I cross the room and grab her hands, yanking her to her feet. Pulling her close, I cup her cheek, kissing her. I've never been anyone's first choice, and although she broke up with her boyfriend for me, it finally feels like I am.


End file.
